)'( half way home )'(

what is Burning Man?

If you asked me this six months ago, when I returned from my long anticipated first burn, I wouldn't know what to tell you exactly. I came back to my default world thoroughly disappointed in my experience in Black Rock City. I thought I went in with no expectations, but obviously there were some hidden ones or I wouldn't have felt the way I did. (And as I am now fully realizing, there were a lot of hidden things I didn't know about myself this past year.) I thought it was going to be more of a spiritual experience, more awe inspiring, more life changing. I had wanted to see and hear and do more. I was disappointed in myself for making it all the way out there and not taking full advantage of it's potential. I was so absorbed in "absorbing", that I never fully put myself out there to enjoy all the playa really has to offer.

But then I realized that my experience there was a culmination of the entire year prior. That is how I was living my life, over-absorbing and keeping my head in the clouds, avoiding reality with fun people and places... So why would my time on the playa be any different? I had been so completely lost and wandering the past couple years that my time at Burning Man was the cherry on top, the last hurrah, the big bang before I snapped back to consciousness and proceeded to have the biggest emotional overhaul of my entire life.

But there's always order in the chaos.

My Burning Man experience was my wake up call. To wake up to reality, face my biggest demons, take responsibility for my life and for my own peace and happiness, and to realize my true passions and my inner most soul. I don't regret my time there, or anything about the past couple years, I only see them all as learning experiences. I could not know what I do now if I had lived any differently. I realized that you can have that deeper, more spiritual connection at Burning Man (and in real life) but you must seek it out. You must create it. Everything is what you make it. So this year, I am ecstatic to make my second journey down that dusty road. because as I'm learning more about myself and my personal needs and desires, I know what I want to give and get out of my time there. I am confident in that knowledge and in myself, and I know I will only keep developing more in the process.

I have awakened! This is my right of passage, into a new world. A new world that is exactly what I need to serve me and that I need to serve. It's the "deeply fathomed change" that I've been seeking, and in truth, is "the only pathway forward." We can only go forward from here.

So, knowing this life-inspiring realization, I can't stop thinking and dreaming.. about what I want my life to be, about who I am and who I want to be, what I'm going to create, on and off the playa, and to thus carry with me and share with others. And about what Burning Man actually is. What it means to others and what it means to me, how it has shaped the person that I am and am continually becoming.

Although my first year wasn't as "deep" as I'd wanted it to be during, I'm now realizing its true depth in the aftermath. And that's just as crucial (if not more) as what you take in on the actual playa. I've come to realize Burning Man's real importance in my life, and am dedicating myself to further understanding it, further experiencing it, further creating it and further sharing it. There are only a few things in my life that have had such a profound impact on me in my entirety (mind-body-soul), and these are the things I hold dear to me and proudly call them my life passions. Burning Man, its meaning, experiences, and impact is one of these.

Some may say I need to "get my priorities straight" or merely dismiss this boldness as some crazy "phase" in my life that I'll soon get over. But I will have you know, my life priorities have never been more on point and in progressive direction than they are right now. And I owe part of this to my knowledge and exposure of and at Burning Man. Although it seems like this is the time and generation to be jumping on any and all bandwagons, I assure you, (not that I feel the obligation to) my passions and intentions are real, and my conciousness permanently wider. And isn't that at the root of all of this? That regardless of age, sex, race, religion, education level, social circle, music preference, sobriety or intoxication level, beliefs or ideals- one more opened mind, one more expanded conciousness, one more soul with passion and drive for the world and themselves, one more filled heart, is the true purpose for any of it.

That much I know for sure. I hope that all beings feel this love, this awakening to their true nature. May they be continuously filled with new light, new energy, may they keep progressing forward to create new realities, and may they be filled with peace and be free from suffering. May all beings be well.

Love and Light )'(